Sometimes I wake up in the morning and have such clarity. I'm ready to go. I have energy. I'm not already in a fog. I'm not riddled with anxiety. I may not have a plan, but one soon develops. I have this incredibly positive outlook on everything. Nothing feels impossible. I have the Laverne & Shirley theme song playing in my head. I wish every day was this way. I also wish that my every day wasn't so tied to temperature. The pattern I see emerge with this clarity is that if it's below about 45 degrees outside, then I don't have it. If it's cold out, I feel sluggish and stiff and my fingers get so cold (even if the thermostat says it's 74 in here) that I can't even type.
I feel chilled to my core. I feel it in my bones. I complain about the summer heat in Texas, but at least I can go outside and move my body without pain or discomfort.
I try to exercise to warm me up. I have hot cereal. I drink hot fluids. I take a long bath. I soak my hands in hot water. I wear gloves and pull my sleeves down over my hands. I wear two pairs of everything including socks. I wear hats and scarves. If it's below 45 degrees out there, I'm bundled up in here. And then, even if I manage to get some kind of warmth generated, I'm so bundled up it's cumbersome to move around very much.
Anyway, I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and have been taking a replacement hormone for just over 2 months now. I go back to get my dose adjusted in a few weeks and I think it's going to need to be adjusted upward. I am getting some relief, though. I definitely have a ton more energy and my thinking is not muddled. I am not so exhausted that I give up on everything. That's a hard thing to explain, but basically over the last ? five or so years I have just felt so worn down that I don't really put up much of a fight about anything. I'm just like, "Sounds good. Whatever. Shouldn't hurt. Okay. Do whatever you want." I'm also seeing some of my eyebrows return, which is pretty bizarre. I forget what it's like to have some outer brow instead of just two little hairs out there that I guard with my life. Now I have like six!
My sex drive went up briefly but now it's kind of going down. I think that may also have more to do with temperature, because a lot of times my mind is like, "Hey, let's do this thing!" Then my body is like, "Must. Find. Heat. Be. Still. Covers. Layers."
I'm definitely not depressed any more. Of course, there could be other reasons for that. Getting married after a long courtship (ha), my father dying and my son turning 18 and coming into his own have all been turning points for me this year in one way or another. Rocks I've been carrying around for so long I've been able to drop and my load seems lighter, at last. Some days, even when it is cold, I feel like I can breathe easier and I am more relaxed.
I'm not as constipated any more, thanks for asking. I feel like I'm doing a systems check here, which makes sense since I'm about to go back to the doctor. What else... skin is still super dry but my flaky head stuff has mostly gone away. I'm still having issues with my feet, which were going away for a while but are back the past few weeks pretty bad. October was the worst month ever for my period (I bled something like 23 days that month) and November was a little better and then the last two periods have been almost normal, so there's something! Still pretty heavy but a normal amount of days and something like 25 days apart?
Meh. I'm so sick of worrying about my health and thankful to have excellent insurance now so all these things can get taken care of. Things are looking up in that way and it's made a huge difference in my life and my happiness. I'm almost there...
In other news, I was going to do some Pilates today, but have decided that I want my desk back in the bedroom where it was for so many years, cluttered bedroom be damned. I live in a 964 square foot house, what can I expect? I had this crazy notion that I wanted it in the living room between these two windows and that proved problematic for several reasons. First, everyone is always in there doing distracting things like playing games or watching TV or eating stuff or playing with cats. Second, my ADD kicks into high gear when there is a task at hand and a window nearby. Look, a bird! A cat! A jogger! What's that slow car doing? What are my neighbors up to? There's the mail! SQUIRREL! And third, it is seriously cold by those windows!
I've had my desk here all of half an hour and already I feel wrapped up in my little cocoon and I just want to drink cocoa and write like (the) Dickens. Ha! I moved my craft table out and now it's housing some of the plants from the back room that are spending their winter inside. Will be nice to have some greenery in the living room. Also, I will be about 5 feet away from my better half's desk which will probably keep me from crushing so much fucking candy since he harasses me endlessly every time I play.
Here's to productivity in the new year.